Welcome to the Blogosphere…

I thought I needed a new outlet. Something that’s just mine to let out all my random thoughts. Something that doesn’t talk back to me when I want to vent. Something that doesn’t scream “MAMA” at me…Describe me in one word? Impossible. I’m a million different people in one, but where do I begin? I think I’ll introduce myself bit by bit and we’ll start here…My number one priority, my main reason for being, and the thing that drives me everyday is my duty as mother, my son. I became a mother at age where all my peers were hitting the local bars that let underage kids in, vacationing on the Jersey Shore, in between studying for the millionth midterm for our junior year of college. I was 20 years old. People have all sorts of opinions/judgments depending on who they are and how they represent this so-called “feeling”, but they know absolutely nothing at all. When you find yourself in such an unexpected situation as I did, you learn that everything you knew/thought before is, pardon my French, bullshit. Everything I believed in, thought to be true, planned, went out the window. Oddly I found it humbling and grounding, it truly showed me that life happens when you’re making plans. I had to learn to just go with it, that I couldn’t live forever by “my” rules/written down plans. In my mind I was going to graduate college, get my master’s degree, become engaged to Prince Charming at 23, married at 25, travel the world, get a good job, buy a house, and then a baby by 30…and we all see how well that went…I had to learn to ignore all those judgmental idiots because the fact that they were judging meant they knew nothing at all, and ironically the people who were judging the most have the most for you to judge back, worse than anything I could have done, but that’s a whole other story… I was not the cliche teen screw-up. I was a straight A (sometimes B+ haha) student, honor society, community service, home when my mom said so. I, let alone my parents never expected this to happen. I wasn’t some kind of teen misfit, I was your everyday “good girl”. I had the same boyfriend from high school, I didn’t have a reputation (if you know what I mean), and I worked full-tme and went to school full-time. I was heading straight towards my goals, doing everything I thought I needed to do to get where I wanted to go within the parameter of my “plan”. Then BOOM, the bomb dropped and everything I thought I knew went straight out the window…February 22, 2009…the day life as I knew it ended…I had 8 months to figure it out. Fast forward to October 10, 2009 the day that my son, the love of my life, my greatest joy, Mateo Sun was born at 9:12 am at a healthy 7lbs 12oz. I was instantly in love, all the cliche’s about when you first see your child came true. It made it seem like nothing in the world before this day mattered, he was it. As I struggled with all the typical new mom things like getting the hang of breast feeding, not sleeping a wink, and the odd up an down emotions of the first few months I was loving it. I knew people were disappointed by my situation, I knew all the PTA mom’s from my elementary school were talking all their catty gossip that would get back to me, my old friends mothers would call each other to gossip, but I had to keep it all out of my head. Shockingly and not shockingly at the same time, people that had been a part of my life for eternity left and some stuck around. Most of my friends didn’t understand my new life, but the one’s that stuck by me are gems. I was sad for the loss of relationships, really sad actually. Sad that the people that I wanted to stick by me the most didn’t, but I had to move on. My new family was what I was about. I was not going to be that young mother who leaves their newborn baby to go out for a bar crawl on a Saturday night (nor would anyone related to me support that!). I made a committment to be a mother 100%. My son deserves to have the same parenting that I received from my mother. I was not and am not the stereotypical young mother. I raise my son, nobody else, I stay up with him at night when he’s sick, I breast fed him exclusively till he was one, I’m the one who makes him his health conscious meals, I’m the one he looks for when he’s sad, scared, or hurt. I’M his mother. I do the same things a 30 year old mom would do, I make the same new parent mistakes (like letting him sleep in our bed!!). I NEVER left him once till he was 9 months old. I didn’t return to work until he was 15 months old and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. In a nutshell and I guess the point of this post is to show people that you can’t judge things you know nothing about, not everyone is the same, things like this happen to the best of us and you just got to grab hold of the situation. Is being a 22 year old mother the ideal situation? Would I be thrilled if it were my child? No way in hell!! But it is what it is and I’m happy and I’m still accomplishing the things I wanted in life, but with an extra passenger. I don’t get to pick up and go out for random night on the town, I don’t get to hit A.C for the weekend at a moments notice, I don’t get to sleep till 1 in the afternoon anymore, BUT I get to come home to the most beautiful face in the world at night and watch him grow and explore and become this inquistive, sweet little boy everyday. I am not a failure, my life isn’t a tragedy like some people like to label it, I am not a whore (I’ve slept with one guy), I’m the same person I was B.C. (before child), I’m Natalia just like I always was. My son has a father who adores him and who he adores just as much and our situation might be more complicated than the average, but we’re a family nonetheless and what’s normal anyway? The only difference is I have a different last name than my two guys until next July when we get married.
And I guess that’s it for blog post one, let’s see what pops up next. I think this so-called “blogatherapy”, like I decided to call it is going to work great for me.

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4 thoughts on “Welcome to the Blogosphere…

  1. Natalia, this is so great! I have so much respect for you and the way you took on the role of being a mother. Age is really not a factor, because love and dedication are what truly matter.
    Keep on writing!

  2. Love love love! I can totally relate! You’re such a beautiful writer and person for writing everything you love, hate, feel.. etc.

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